Apple releases it's latest device

It's hip. It's trendy. It's going to change the world.

It's the iBomb.

Madness

Now the gas stations have taken up the sword of trustbusting. Clearly, this is a disgusting crime. What self-respecting person would enter into a voluntary contract with others involving the trade of goods? It's almost as if Chevron thinks itself...human, or something. I, of course, price fix all the time. Why, just yesterday I went to a Sushi restaurant and agreed to the price that I was quoted. Totally fixed that price.

But what if I want to partner up with someone and start a small business, and we collude together and fix prices like maniacs? No one will be able to stop us from charging a million dollars for a toaster. People will come into our shop and be forced to decide whether or not to buy it at that exorbitant price. And we can collude with other toaster sellers and convince them all to sell at a million dollars. It's almost like kicking someone in the groin (except for the part where they can choose to not be kicked in the groin.) Why, no one will be able to stop us - except possibly someone who produces toasters and sells them for less than a million dollars.

Which makes me wonder - why isn't Chevron charging a million dollars for a gallon of gas already? What morons. They could be making a 500,000 percent profit. It would be madness! People would have to make difficult choices like whether to buy Chevron gas for a million dollars per gallon or Arco gas for 2.50 per gallon. What about the rights of people who really really really like Chevron gas? And haven't those people suffered enough in our nation's history? Who will stop Chevron from charging a million a gallon? Who will stop the madness!?

Madness?!?! This is the Federal Trade Commission!!!!!

Our hero.

Duty? Honor? Country? Nahhhhhh...

People keep asking me why I want to join the Marines, usually asked in a tone of voice which implies that anyone considering a military career has put little or no thought into the whole government-owning-you deal. This couldn't be farther from the truth.

Take my reason, for instance:


Damn that's a sexy uniform. It's sexiness is only exceeded by my own, which is considerable. I think that is more than enough reason to join. Also I'm pretty sure you get paid or something. Hoo-rah.

Freedom of Refill

There are some things in life that you have to travel to shitty third-world countries in order to appreciate. One of them is free refills. Americans have no idea how unheard of this idea is in other parts of the world. When I was in Jordan, the only place with free refills on drinks was Burger King, the distinctly American restaurant. Everywhere else I went, I was met with the same blank stare. They didn't even have the concept. I suffered the horrors of 12 measly ounces of soft drink to an expensive meal every single day. America, how I love thee.