10 Signs your country is approaching economic apocalypse

1. You're the second most water-poor nation in the world...and you export water and grow water-intensive crops like bananas. Thanks, water subsidies!
   

2. The guards at the gates of your university are actually multi-millionaires – they just like the nice uniforms, the guns, the authority, and don't feel like doing real work.

3. Your bloated government's idea of 'liberalizing' the economy includes raising an income tax.

4. Your main source of income is people coming to see what more productive ancient cultures left behind.

5. You consider usury a sin, and honestly believe interest-free banking will make the world RICHER.

6. You're Muslim, and so are over 90% of your countrymen.

7. Everyone goes to school. Everyone has a degree. Nobody does anything with them.

8. All the smart ones emigrate to America.

9. Your main source of income is the money your relatives in surrounding oil-rich countries sent.
   

10. Your country's name is Jordan.

Beauty is in the eye of the Environment

We should all be proud of Bhutan. According to the highly enlightened gentleman I spoke with today at Jerusalem Restaurant, their government refuses to allow any trees to be cut down and sold to India, like their capitalist pigs of neighboring countries. They love their environment even more than they love their people. In fact, the king of Bhutan declared that, although his people were desperately impoverished, they would be the happiest poor people in the world. After all, nothing puts a smile on a poor hungry Bhutani's face like hugging a tree. And I'm sure the environment will love the free fertilizer that Bhutani corpses will provide to those trees when they die of happiness (I think some capitalists call it 'starvation.' Pigs.)

Unfortunately, Bhutan has taken a big step in the wrong direction. Recently, they permitted their citizens to start watching television. According to the highly enlightened gentleman I spoke to, this has already led to the first case of suicide. This is what happens when you show people who are dying of hunger advertisements for the McDonald's they're not allowed to have – they die. Clearly, television is to blame. Man, I hate freedom.

If only they more closely emulated North Korea. Apparently, they've been thinking five steps ahead of their people. See, those clever North Korean citizens want to use bicycles to overthrow their adorable god-like regime (demonstrated clearly by the following equation: B+NKP=BAD, where B is bicycles, NKP is North Korean People, and BAD is bad). Good thing the North Koreans saw that one coming. They decided to ban the ownership or use of bicycles. Disaster averted. Of course, some slow Westerners aren't quite as quick as those smart Asians, so I'll explain it in detail. You see, bicycles are a symbol of fast movement. People who move quickly tend to move towards anti-government organizations. Anti-government organizations tend to overthrow governments. Therefore, ban bicycles. QED. For even slower capitalists, see the equation below.

Worst cab ride EVER.

In Amman, even the people with jobs are beggars.

I got in a taxi today going from downtown to the UJ (University of Jordan), which is about a 15-20 minute ride. The taxi driver eyed me with greedy eyes as soon as he heard my Arabic break. Jackpot, they seemed to say...a foreigner. It didn't help that I had in my hands a recently purchased suit jacket, which screamed wealth.

He started by asking me if I wanted him to consider me his brother. I asked him what the 'shart' (condition) was, and he feigned not knowing what I meant. He tried to convince me that he simply wanted to be my brother. So I grudgingly said sure. Why should I care if some random guy in a cab considers me his brother?

Then came the condition. He gave me a sob story of how his father had heart problems, and he was unable to pay the bills and keep his cab. He wanted 50 JD (over 70 USD). Yeah, I wasn't having any of it. Except he kept pressing. He appealed to my faith (I lied to him and told him I was Christian, to avoid 20 minutes of evangelizing), explaining to me how God watched all and how he asked of everyone to help the poor. Honestly, I wouldn't have a problem with him - if he didn't keep pushing. I said I didn't have 50 JD. No problem - this is Jordan, the land of haggling. How about 25? The begging lasted fully 10 minutes, until I finally had to say very sharply and impolitely "enough. No means no."

This was followed by 10 long silent minutes of driving and very noxious smoking. AWK-WARD. Yeah, worst cab ride ever.